'wasurenai'

legendary cmeS

2009-12-19T06:01:00.000-08:00

So, every wednesday in Paeds we have a CME. HOs take turns to present on a variety of topics as picked by the specialists and MOs.

Last Wednesday will forever be remembered as a legend in Paeds CME history. Topic of the day: Pallor in a child.

Presenter's ID will be kept a secret to protect his future career, should he still have one when this is done.

Tip no.1 for CME slides : Never, EVER, use sites like wrongdiagnosis.com as a 'credible source'.

Tip no.2 for CME slides : Never, EVER put something on a slide you cannot explain to your colleagues.

Tip no.3 for CME slides : Never, EVER copy paste content meant for an adult patient in a presentation about PAEDS.

Long story short...

Apparently a loss of libido is a symptom of anemia in children.

I've never seen a specialist laugh so hard. Correction, 3 specialists...

-ionie

BTN

2009-05-02T07:06:00.000-07:00

monday, may 4th, is the day we start our BTN in Maran, Pahang. from what I've been able to gather, things are... well, crap, in BTN. If things are crap enough that they stress me out beyond all other means of control, I will eventually blog about it.

to the few people who read this blog, I hope that I'm alive to blog about the experience when it's done. BTN is from the 4th to the 8th, and following that is induction til the 21st at Pangkor.

We shall see how it goes, ne?
Pray for us.

-ionie

18 days

2009-04-05T09:18:00.001-07:00

the 18 days we spent together meant more to me than you'll ever know. an epiphany of sorts that just confirmed what i suspected all along, if you will.

things are empty here without you. that word hardly does the situation justice, but 'empty' serves just as well as 'incomplete', 'desolate' and a dozen other adjectives that could fit in that statement. simple things like waking up and knowing that you're there, or whining at you to cook (since i so obviously can't) are better remembered than all the places we went to (with the exception of the Phantom of the Opera; sorry dear, that one just really blew us both away though, didn't it?).

i'll wait as long as it takes.

-ionie
Now playing - Kimi ni Mune Kyun, Yuu Kobayashi (Maria Holic)

2009-03-29T00:44:00.000-07:00

for the first time in very long time, in another country altogether, I dreamt of LMH. Of us in school, attending classes like always, looking for missing teachers and studying, all of us, together.

-ionie

done

2009-02-27T06:34:00.000-08:00

We're done.

I'm glad we all made it.

Now just to wait for the reality to sink in... but before that, I'm gonna go travelling a bit.

<3

-ionie

demoralised

2008-12-04T00:00:00.001-08:00

so i felt so awful that-
i skipped class today.
i missed a meeting with a tutor today.
i woke up, looked around, saw that everything was still shit, and went back to sleep again. rinse, cycle, repeat 3x.
i cried my way through 25% of a tissue box.
finally dragged self out of bed and onto computer, browse blogs and realise again that everyone is coming back...

... everyone except the one i want the most.

did i do something wrong?

thief

2008-12-03T01:13:00.000-08:00

to the thief who took it...

please please please PLEASE just rot in hell.

i was really, really, really looking forward to december.

2008-11-13T15:57:00.000-08:00

don't delete blogs - just let them be!

they are like marks you make upon the world... a silent testament to what you were like. like all things on the internet, eventually one day they will disappear, only to be found on things like the internet archive. that, though, is a 'natural death'.

besides, now i feel like i'm the only one left with a blog. although i hardly ever do blog nowadays. XD

bad dream

2008-09-05T20:29:00.001-07:00

this has been happenning all week...

it's getting a little bit frustrating... waking up in the morning and feeling like crap, especially realising that yes - You are in Batu Pahat, that you were just dreaming of waking up in your own bed, just dreaming that you could go downstairs and hug your parents and attempt to thrash your brother and nieces at SOul Calibur IV.

...That you were just dreaming that your day would be great, just dreaming that your bed was soft, comfortable and inviting, just dreaming that your bathroom didn't smell of cockroaches and that you were just dreaming that you were home with your family.

Sigh.

-ionie

... dreams

2008-08-30T19:06:00.000-07:00

I don't understand it. It has been 3, 4 years since we've been together, but I still dream of you. With surprising regularality and scary, unsettling content, I dream of you.

Content has changed a bit, to focus more on reconnecting with you. The dreams tell me stories of circumstances under which we become friends again, time and time again. They aren't particularly nightmareish, but they scare me with the emotional ride they take me on, and I wish they would stop. Beautiful dreams as they are, they wake me in the morning with a painful ache in my chest that takes ages to go away.

So, I'm going to try to do in real life what my dreams tell me to.

I wonder if you're willing to. I can't do this alone.

-ionie
Now playing - Your Love Song, Angela Aki

sorrow

2008-08-25T10:30:00.001-07:00

i miss you already, and you're just boarding the plane now.

it's so empty here without you. it always is. and it's just a little bit colder.

come back.

a friend

2008-08-13T18:27:00.001-07:00

too many responsibilities to fix too many things right now when I have just one thing that I really must pass - the Professional Exam.

I realise that my main coping mechanism when I'm really stressed is to just log on and slay dragons with Myth. The dragons don't judge me and if I die in the process I have all of these other fellas to help me get my corpse back and re-level.

Sadly, should I fail the professional exam the only choice I'll have left is to re-sit. Which isn't quite as fun as getting corpses back and re-levelling. Not made easier by the fact that I totally panicked in the paper yesterday and floundered my way through most of it.

Just great.

-ionie

again

2008-07-30T06:28:00.001-07:00

AGAIN.

again again again again again again again again again ...

why?

just... why?

exams!

2008-07-27T02:08:00.000-07:00

Why oh why does everyone have to come back during the study break for my finals?!

So totally not studying as much as I should be. -_-;;

Instead I find myself dedicating time to FFIV:DS FFTA2:GOTR and WOW (must-kill-illidan syndrome). Oh, and trying to figure out how to play Marie Digby's songs on the guitar, and Regina Spektor's 'The Call' on the piano.

Ah well. Gonna meet the others tonight. cheer!

-ionie
Now playing - Voice on the Radio, Marie Digby

dog bite

2008-06-24T06:16:00.000-07:00

Dog bit me. That's why I'm MIA.

Angelina Jolie's lips suxor.

-ionie

happiness

2008-06-03T02:39:00.000-07:00

Happiness is elusive, and I'll take what I can get.

My latest happiness is better expressed in a picture -

Shiawase ni narou.

-ionie

going home

2008-04-29T05:05:00.000-07:00

it is so hard to turn down an opportunity to go home
but it's gynae
and i'm made that much more upset about it.

i want to go home this labour day.

-ionie

type type

2008-04-07T09:15:00.000-07:00

80 words

Speedtest

thank you

2008-03-30T05:02:00.000-07:00

to the three people who spent the weekend for me
thank you so very much for making my home a little less lonely.

-ionie

quitting

2008-03-17T15:23:00.001-07:00

it's times like these that i feel like quitting medicine.

the passion is gone.

if there was any to start with.

it's been killed by a series of very stressful, unfortunate events...

landmark

2008-03-12T09:42:00.000-07:00

100th post on this blog.

and i'm deadly pissed.

so tell me, the two of you...
besides proofreading the damn thing, what else did you do?

i'm still presenting tomorrow.
i didn't get any time to study for the seminar.
the slides are all freaking mine.

-ionie

pda

2008-03-05T06:07:00.000-08:00

So we were out for dinner as usual, and as usual we were talking. Of course, if we weren't talking it'd be an awfully uncomfortable dinner between 3 apparent strangers. As usual, we talked about almost anything.

One of the subjects that came up was PDAs. For the uninitiated, PDAs are Public Displays of Affection, not those fancy Treos and Blackberrys. I asked what unacceptable PDAs were, and one said 'When two people cannot be separated into two.'

So that got me worrying. What is considered acceptable and not acceptable PDAing?

Please shoot me if I am ever deemed to be over-PDAing.

-ionie
Now playing - i do, Ghost in the Shell

tired

2008-02-29T07:33:00.000-08:00

so very tired.

It's taken me this long to get this far,
But I doubt it will take very much to break me again.

Some things are just needed. A kind word, a smile, a little time
A little love and a little pain.
And for them to all come together
In a cacophony of sound and light
like a fireworks display
just waiting to ignite

-ionie
Now playing - Dreamcatcher, OLIVIA

nightmares

2008-02-20T16:18:00.001-08:00

Nightmares...

like this

2008-01-16T04:13:00.000-08:00

After such a long time has passed...

After so long... it is so strange that....

Getting a message of any kind from you still makes me have transient atrial fibrillation.

It's embarassing and oh-so-very awkward.

I think it will always be like this.

Like this.

alone

2008-01-07T02:24:00.001-08:00

Alone again.

Yup, that's about it.

-ionie

understand

2007-12-22T01:51:00.001-08:00

Please try to understand.

On one hand, I could be here at home spending time with my family and friends before New Years'. It's been at least a year since everyone's been around, and I can't be there with them.

Instead, I'll be at your home, being interrogated and questioned at every turn about my uncertain future and about us, which is a horrendous subject to talk about right now. I will be cornered should anyone ask about my religion, about what I believe, about what I think we will do, what I would like you to do; all the topics which will destroy us even more than I can on my own.

Please try to understand why I don't want to go to your home.

-ionie

iris

2007-12-02T03:24:00.000-08:00

singing in the car was fun.

a memory in the making.

-ionie
Now playing - Iris, Goo Goo Dolls

upset

2007-11-29T07:27:00.000-08:00

it's an easy enough observation to make, but one that is very difficult to accept...
The observation that really, after everything's been said and done...

... that we are really so different.

and that really, there is not very much I can do about it except smile a very plastic smile and wonder if one day, you could see yourself the way I do.

-ionie
Now playing - Near to You, A Fine Frenzy

to everyone

2007-11-24T18:00:00.000-08:00

To everyone who's back..

This feels like the first real holiday I've had in ages.

Thank you so very much for coming back.

-ionie
Now playing - Near to You, A fine frenzy

paediatric patients

2007-11-01T03:32:00.000-07:00

So there was this little girl in the Eye Ward who had a limbal dermoid cyst and a subsequent post surgical cataract. She's 7, and only has perception of light (really really really bad vision in which you can only see light) in her right eye.

While we were examining her in the dark room she got really uncooperative - being examined by 7 medical students (who are really really really bad at fundoscopy and opthalmic examination in general) would do that to anybody. After all that was done, she went to the slit lamp for examination.

She kept looking at my notebook, so I looked at what she was looking at. Was my drawing of Tifa AC, which is the very first drawing I've done in pen.

Gave it to her. For being such a nice girl. Maybe one day she'll remember the medical student who couldn't draw hands to save her life.

Ja ne~

-ionie
Now playing -

consideration

2007-10-16T20:06:00.000-07:00

For pete's sake, when you see a pedestrian struggling to cross a road in a parking lot when it is pouring...

Please, for crying out loud, please stop and let the pedestrian cross. Don't let the girl get even more soaked than she already is.

-ionie
Now playing - Dive into the Heart - Destati, Yoko Shimomura

5 things

2007-09-12T03:56:00.000-07:00

tagged by yuen. so then...

5 things found in my bag. -
1. ipod shuffle.
2. nintendo ds.
3. pencils.
4. hair clips - the little crocodile ones.
5. handphone.

Just for the record, the number 1 object i probably should have in my bag but don't on a regular basis...
tissue.

Next!

5 things I like in my room.
1. my loft bed! my one and only tower of dreams.
2. my desktop! yes it's slow and only has an intel graphics accelerator, but i love it.
3. namine! the stuffed doggie with an obviouslyrippedofffromkh2 name. as well as mojo jojo (the monkey) and monchichi (the... the monchichi.)
4. glowinthedark stars!
5. my blanket! nice clean comforter that smells of the sun.

I love my room in KL. 'nuff said.

Next!

5 things I've always wanted to do.
1. Go to shibuya and akihabara. limited by lack of funds and parental permission.
2. see and play in snow! limited by weather and lack of funds.
3. write a song! limited by lack of musical ability.
4. draw a manga masterpiece! limited by lack of artistic ability.
5. be fit and healthy. la la la, obviously ripping off from yuen, la la la...

Next!
5 things I'm currently into.
1. Lucky Star! And Anime in general, trying very hard...
2. Phoenix Wright 3 and Rune Factory DS!
3. Jpop! Utada's new single in particular, really...
4. ArcticMUD! MUST GET HEAL SOON.
5. The Golden Compass, The Subtle Knife and The Amber Spyglass. XD

5 people to tag.
1. Christabel
2. Leon (you have a blog, PUT SOMETHING NEW UP ON IT!)
3. Jin
4. Jong (Tze Ven)
5. Matthew (you have a blog, PUT SOMETHING NEW UP ON IT!)

Yeah, I think I'm done...

crying osce

2007-08-21T21:16:00.000-07:00

Is crying during OSCE an immediate criteria for failure?

I just know I did fail... but all will be revealed on Friday.

I haven't need prayer so badly before.

I don't want to fail.

-ionie

alone again

2007-08-12T01:01:00.000-07:00

He left less than 24 hours ago, and I'm home alone. My parents are out working, my brothers out with their significant others.

I already miss him. It's a sense of something being missing... or in this case, someone. He's incessantly annoying and noisy and I love him for it, because now it seems like Itunes just can't compete with the noise production.

It will be another 4 months until he comes back. It's another 2 days until EOS7, and I am alone again.

-ionie
Now playing - Sagittarius, OST Nodame Cantabile

MSAT

2007-08-08T01:23:00.001-07:00

Medical Specialty Aptitude Test...

Top 5 results, in descending order are:
paediatrics
dermatology
gastroenterology
occupational med
radiation oncology

...
Just for the record, family practice came in last. Second last was Obstetrics.
Link's at http://www.med-ed.virginia.edu/specialties/Home.cfm

-ionie
Now playing - Dareka no negai ga kanau koro, Utada Hikaru

2007-08-07T19:39:00.001-07:00

last night

2007-08-07T19:27:00.000-07:00

Last night I couldn't get to sleep. 3am... so I just lay in bed thinking. Thoughts drifted to SOS ... and I started to wonder if they knew how much they mean to me.

Wake up this morning and lo and behold, youtube finished loading! Haha, and this song pretty much summed up what I want to say to the people in SOS...

Rascal Flatts - My Wish
I hope that days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you wanna go
And if you're faced with a choice and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you
And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep walking til you find a window

If it's cold outside
Show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything
More than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah this... is my wish.

I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you in the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get
Oh, you find God's grace in every mistake
And you always give more than you take

But more than anything
More than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah this... is my wish.

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big

miss you all.

-ionie
Now playing - Rascal Flatts, My Wish

muffin

2007-07-03T02:09:00.000-07:00

It is so damn hot out.

It is even hotter in this room in Seremban.

I feel like a muffin in an oven.

If you were a muffin, what flavour would you be?

I'd be a peanut butter and jelly muffin.
Let this END!

-ionie
Now playing - Shadow Of Love, OLIVIA inspi' REIRA

pasar malams

2007-06-23T07:48:00.000-07:00

I cannot thank Chris enough for letting me tag along with her to dinner over the last two weeks. The time spent going out for dinner, socializing and talking... it makes the days seem shorter and and time a little less wearisome. It is good to know that there is an ear right next door to where I am who is willing to listen and go to Jusco2 in search of chocolate sundaes.

When you're the one left behind in a relationship... whether in terms of achievement or in terms of location... the loneliness seems just that little more tiring. Since you're left behind you're stuck wondering when they'll come back for you, and if they even will in the end. Which is worse, to be the one waiting or the one waiting to come back?

It's another 4 weeks until you come back. I wonder where your home is now?

It is so very quiet here without you.

-ionie
Now playing - Everywhere, Michelle Branch

updates

2007-06-05T01:14:00.000-07:00

Thank you to the kind soul who gave the Pirates of the Carribean 3 soundtrack to Christabel. I am so addicted to it right now.

Many many things happenning right now. Many many thoughts and feelings and many many other things other than Med school I would like to do right now.

Like go down to Singapore and bully Aidan and meet all the Myth kaki! Graaaah. I don't believe Paul's gonna have a kid! Just something that seems so unreal.

I miss mudding. But maybe that part of my life has to be put on hold for now. As it is I barely have the time or energy to play travian (www.travian.com , more time consuming than Utopia but ohsomuch prettier), let alone devilishRO (which is up? ish.) or ArcticMUD.

I really do miss MUDding though. The random shouts and running for your life (or hitting recall) in a timely fashion, trying to heal everybody in your way.

On another note, I'm really really jealous of Xian. >_<

-ionie
Now playing - Up is Down, Hans Zimmer (POTC3)

LMH?

2007-05-25T08:15:00.000-07:00

Went out with Alex, Bax and Chris to watch Pirates of the Caribbean III. I liked it, except for the obviously cop-out ending. Sigh.

There's a Popular bookstore in Jusco 2, and we went in to take a look. There was a book there on sale... a book titled 'Sophie's World.' It's a book about a girl named Sophie, who gets a letter in the mail from someone named Hilde. Sophie embarks on a correspondence with Hilde, during which they discuss philosophy and Hilde's origins are unraveled.

I never read the book. But I do remember... that one year in school, Jas got that book for LMH. And later on, LMH would pester us to read it, saying that it's an eyeopening read...

It was one of his favourites.

Maybe it's time to get the book...

The anime, Serial Experiments Lain, delves into many topics. One of them is the principle that 'if you are not remembered, you never existed.'

Maybe this is part of my quest to make sure that he is never forgotten. It's probably pretty unlikely that he ever will be forgotten, at least by those who knew him personally. Until that time, at least, he exists... right?

Perhaps an existence like that is better than any other.

-ionie
Now playing - Kiss and Cry, Utada Hikaru

SOS

2007-05-12T09:14:00.000-07:00

So we're on a week break from the endless trial that is medical school. It's a mid term break, I guess. Obstetrics and Psychiatry down... only Orthopaedics and Paediatrics to go!

Sigh.

At any rate, I was feeling a little down today when we went out to the Curve - my mom, Ryna and I. After two weeks of agonizing over the decision to pour money into the Suzumiya Haruhi Gachapon or not, I decided to go for it.

Obviously, I was really, really, really hoping to draw the cute cheerleader Haruhi. No suck luck though... I got who I consider to be the most annoying of all the girls in Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu - Mikuru.

Mikuru is really cute and all, but really... she can be so annoying! Her daftness and blurness are what draw fanboys to her like bees to honey, though. But I digress.

So there I was with the Gachapon egg in my hand, a bit disappointed with my luck. Lady luck had deserted me again. My heart fell as I opened the egg, and little Mikuru (in her bunny suit) fell out.

And I stared in amazement. For in her hands she held a sign... a sign for all the world to see, and a little message in it for me too.

For lo and behold... her sign read:

...SOS.

I miss you guys. Hope you all are taking care.

Love,

-ionie
Now playing - Hirano Aya, Lost my Music (Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu)

how...

2007-04-26T16:58:00.000-07:00

How did things end up like this?

Am I not allowed to be happy?

Isn't that a human right?

I'd do anything for you...

...Even if it means I have to be alone again.

-ionie

okay..

2007-04-08T00:54:00.000-07:00

So...

where has Johan's blog gone?

O&G is finally over. The most ironic thing that happened in O&G was being in the maternity ward at night and watching a lady go into labour ... on the TV next to the counter, in some Chinese serial.

-_-;;

Also, just for the record... Yes, I do talk to Indian guys. Dammit.

I am glad the days of ward rounds at 715 am are over. For now, at least. I'm worn out.

To love without any conditions... is that possible? Easy to say, difficult to do... like so many other things in life.

I need to watch 300. And teenage mutant ninja turtles. And that movie about music and lyrics. And the latest episode of Nodame Cantabile. But no. Instead, we watched a movie called ... wait for it...

'Jangan Pandang Belakang.'

I have never felt like more of a minority in a cinema before. Went with Christabel and Nisha to watch. Here's an excerpt of a conversation just before the movie started.

'I feel so alone.'
'Don't worry, we're a minority too.'
'...hey, at least there are TWO of you.'

So yes. For future reference... Don't look belakang.

-ionie
Now playing - Linkin Park, What I've Done

seremban

2007-03-03T18:10:00.000-08:00

I was kinda hoping that by now, I wouldn't dread going back to Seremban so much.

Fat chance of that happenning.

I still don't want to go back. And I have to leave this house in the next 8 hours or so.

Some things will never change... and there are some things I cannot just let slip, and accept. I cannot accept that I have to live there, study there, be away from home. I just can't. I've tried listing down what is great about living there against what is great about living at home - and the home list outnumbered the seremban list 3 to 1, ratioed.

As Mitch Albom would say/write - 'Just feel it, accept it, and move on.'

It is really difficult to, especially when you feel it, accept it, and feel it again, and accept it again, and feel it again... I guess I'm not truly accepting it. I'm trying, I really am.

BTW, one of the reasons that was in Seremban's failure was the fact that the house had Streamyx, which is about 4 times more stable and twice as fast as my home connection with Webbit. -_-;;

I don't wanna go back...

But I have to make myself want to.

-ionie
Now playing - Crystal Kay (Nodame Cantabile), Konna ni Chikaku De...

2007-02-20T18:40:00.000-08:00

What a beautiful way to put it.

'If we were together... life would be so much 'more'...'

I can't help but think you're right.

-ionie
Now playing - OLIVIA, Dreamcatcher

6 things

2007-02-18T07:24:00.000-08:00

I think I have time enough for this, Ken. -_-;;

"Each player of this game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog."

I can't possibly state the rules more clearly than just copypasting the damn thing with trusty Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V.

So then... let's get started.

1. I have more Japanese music in my Itunes than English, and I only truly understand a handful of them.

I have currently 7.78 gigs of songs on this PC. My English collection is represented mainly by Linkin Park, 911, Michelle Branch, Within Temptation, Matchbox Twenty, Josh Groban, The Goo Goo Dolls and The Corrs, for a total of 10.

My Japanese collection (mainly) comprises of Utada Hikaru (3 albums), Ayumi Hamasaki (2 albums), OLIVIA (3 albums), Do As Infinity (3 albums LIVE), OSTS Full Metal Panic, Full Metal Alchemist, Full Moon wo Sagashite, Haibane Renmei (4 albums), Tsubasa Chronicles (4 albums), AIR TV, Love Song, Kiroro, KOTOKO, Mai Hime, Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu, Shakugan No Shana, Misia, Saiyuki, Van Tomiko, X-Japan, Yuna Ito.

To put things in perspective... My Itunes store redirects me to the Japanese version. I have no idea how to connect to an English Itunes store.

2. I still haven't finished FF7. And no, I'm not really planning to, regardless of all the claims that it was the best FF ever. I *tried* and was demoralised when a certain character died (- okay, so it's not really a spoiler anymore. But I absolutely HATE it games have characters that do an Aeris and die.)

Besides, I am blithely convinced that FFIX was the best of them all. There's just something about summoners with wings and little black mages who are really machines and a princess asking a thief to kidnap her...

I also did not finish Kingdom Hearts (1). I give up on that game. Riku can take over the world, for all I care. It is JINXED on my machine.

3. Actually, I haven't really finished that many games. I tend to start a lot of them, but then I lose interest and/or tell the game to go to hell and/or get distracted by another RPG. For example, to date, I have Wild ARMS 2, 3, 4. I have yet to finish any of them. WA2 is just too leet for me, I admit - I tried my darndest to get past this stupid puzzle in an equally stupid dungeon with mirror like rooms, but I couldn't. Lack of ability. I just lost interest in the others... as well as a whole slew of other games, like Disgaea, Makai Kingdom, La Pucelle Tactics, FF7 and FF12. XD

4. I want wings. As in I really really really want wings. If you squint into an electron microscope at the empty space between the 'I' and the 'want' in the phrase 'I want wings' you will find an infinite amount of 'reallys' squeezed in there.

5. I can't sleep past 8 AM anymore, whether on holiday or not. Curse you, IMU CS Seremban and your early daily ward rounds!

6. I am a family person. As in I cannot be away from my family for long durations of time. Hell, even short durations of time. Enough said about that, I think.

Also, since I haven't posted in a while, how about one more point about me?

7. I FAILED CVS SEM 2!!! Yes, the very very very first system that almost EVERY SINGLE FREAKING PERSON PASSED, I managed to fail in. >_<

Alright then. Since that's already past the limit... Here's my 6.

Chow Cheok Soon
Leng Hui
Leon (both of them! if you don't have a blog you'd better FREAKING GET ONE)
Christabel
Johan
Erin

Oh yes, one can see I am picking on housemates. Muahahahaha.

Happy CNY everyone!

-ionie
Now playing - OLIVIA, Dreamcatcher (It's Japanese, yes)

tired

2007-01-29T02:05:00.000-08:00

Too much to type about since the last time I blogged.

So... I think I just won't.

I can't wait for the holidays to start.

I am on my way to failing Internal Medicine.

More and more people are leaving. Leaving in many ways - physically, emotionally.
Will I ever be the same again?
Will anyone ever be the same again?

The pain never really fades. It gets ignored, pushed aside.
What I would not give for a hug, from you... from anyone who cared.

Save me?

Where the hell are you?

-ionie
Now playing - Utada Hikaru, Flavor of Life (it's bitter as hell)

goodbye my lover

2007-01-01T19:23:00.000-08:00

Bye bye. Have a great 6 months in UK.

The happiness I felt while you were here is more than a fair trade.

I miss you already.

I wanted to badly to spend New Year's with you. Eve, or the actual day. Hell, you will never know how badly I wanted to spend a holiday with you, whether Christmas or New Year's.

I know you don't read this blog. The words scare you.

But know that I miss you.

All my love,
ionie.

Now playing - A little pain, OLIVIA inspi' REIRA

december

2006-12-31T04:04:00.000-08:00

Today's the last day of the year 2006.

The Chinese are a fairly superstitious lot. I suppose no culture is without its beliefs or customs, peculiar and practical. I was taught as a child that crying/being angry/being generally negative on the eve of so-called 'good days' was a big no-no.

So I have this theory. Every belief or custom exists because of something that happened in the past. For example, people eat red eggs on birthdays because red = blood. Blood = life. Birthday = new life = new blood. Keep in mind that this is just a theory. In the same way, maybe Muslim females keep themselves covered because that's what you do in a desert - you cover up all exposed skin (to keep from burning) and to keep the sand out (which can be downright annoying and uncomfortable. And really, who wants to deal with a girl who is PMSing AND frustrated at all the sand in her clothes?). And maybe Hindus don't eat beef because someone who was Hindu in a village somewhere ate a cow once and got Taenia saginata problems. Or discovered that hey, if you kill a cow, you don't get milk. And milk is good.

Just a theory ya. I don't mean to be mean/racist/ethnicist/a misintepretor. Just... don't misinterpret me. ><

Following that same theory, maybe that earlier mentioned Chinese belief has its roots in the parties early Chinese ancestors had. See, on the eves of 'good days' usually there's a hugeeeeeee party to... well, celebrate the good day. If someone cried/was angry/was generally negative on the eve of the good day, then there goes the party, doesn't it?

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Heh.

Well, I did it. I cried on the eve of a 'good day', in this case... New years'. I'm home alone on New Years' Eve... and I will be home alone when it's midnight.

Well, the punishment for crying on the eve of a good day... or at a new beginning... is that there will be much crying during the year... or whatever that eve or celebration marks...

Well, that explains why last year was absolute crap, emotionally at least.

And it looks like it will be the same next...

Ah screw it. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Happy new year, everyone.

-ionie
Now playing - February Song, Josh Groban

wings

2006-12-24T01:02:00.000-08:00

It's been a while, but since November...
I've learnt that surgery isn't really all that bad. Compared to the nightmare Internal Medicine sounds like it will be, it really isn't all that bad.
I've learnt that... Polymer clay is amazing.
I have learnt that walking quickly in those little pink butterfly sandals is pretty hazardous.

I am so glad that you are back.
I remember that after I see you for the next few days, when you are with me in Seremban... you are leaving again.
I know that I should be making the most of the time I have with you... that I should be so ecstatically happy that I get to spend all this time with you...
But when I think about you going after I see you, I almost wish that you wouldn't come... just so that you will remain here, in this same timezone, so close yet so far away.

Don't leave me.
Or... take me with you...

Onegai.

Now playing - Tsuki no Shijima, Yui Makino

kanashii yo

2006-11-19T01:55:00.000-08:00

As much as I'd like to say otherwise
I still hate going back to Seremban.

I have my family.

At least I'm not dissolving into tears today.

One step at a time, right?

Tomorrow is 20th November.
Immortalised in a song and engraved deep in my heart
Happy birthday to the brother I never had.

-ionie
Now playing - Rascal Flatts, What Hurts the Most

secrets

2006-11-01T21:37:00.000-08:00

There are some things I will never be able to tell the people I love...

Like how listening to you play the guitar makes me wish you'd never stop
Like how I only gave Final Fantasy a shot because you mentioned it in passing
Like how I was drawn to Anime because of your drawings
Like how a (badly) named guild pretty much summed up my friendships in an MMORPG
Like how I always wished I had a sister like you
Like how your hug still remains in my memory, even though things like the differences between malarial parasites cannot
Like how the sound of you playing the piano makes my heart sing
Like how grateful I am that you called back after I called you to tell you about LMH
Like how you always remind me that really, things aren't that bad in Seremban
Like how I always wished I had a brother like you
Like how badly I wish we could have built the ultimate gamers' home in Seremban (and struggle through exams together)
Like how grateful I am (was?) to be included in SOS
Like how happy I was to be included in the credits in the ball cartoon, even though I hardly did anything
Like how much I wish I was back in Sayfol just to be with you again
Like how thankful I was that you were there in A Levels when it seemed no one was
Like how happy I was when I saw you, a familiar face in IMU, on the day we registered
Like how pretty the flower you gave me was
Like how much I felt like crying when I realised I had forgotten to bring the same flower home
Like how my heart shattered when you told me you were leaving
Like how close I felt to you when we were in Perhentian
Like how touched I was that you came to look in on me when I felt so sick and nauseous on that little island, and brought me dinner too!
Like how I knew that you were only dancing with me that Halloween because every one of your friends had a girl to slow dance with too
Like how much I wished I would be asked to dance by someone else that same night instead of you
Like how your poetry and lyrics made me cry
Like how I feel bittersweetly touched when I hear the music you write for her
Like how I still listen to the music you wrote before, for the memories and for the beautiful compositions
Like how grateful I am that someone picked on me and made you talk to me that night
Like how much I miss playing basketball with all of you, like we did during extra lessons for O Levels
Like how good the carrot cake your mom made for my birthday tasted, and how I've never eaten carrot cake since
Like how much your birthday card meant to me

Like how much I loved being a part of all your lives...

Like how much I miss all of you so very much, and there would be no other place I'd rather be than to be back in your midst, laughing, crying, yelling, screaming at the world, playing, hugging, arguing and making up again after...

Just like the old times.

(I have the feeling I will come back and edit this post over and over again ><)

(If only because more people make memories in my heart and mind all the time.)

-ionie

sunday blues

2006-10-28T18:46:00.000-07:00

People can't stand Mondays usually. I think that, at least in a group of us at IMU CS, there is a phenomenon known as Sunday Blues. Symptoms include an irrevocable sense of dread whenever issues such as driving back to Seremban arise and lacrimal duct instability.

I think I've discovered my aetiological reason for not wanting to go back. It lies within the fact that before IMU CS I spent almost every waking moment with my mom. Either with work or just as plain company - I'd go with her to pay bills, grocery shopping (we spend a lot of time each week in both activities), getting things ready for events, meeting clients. Every day from the time we wake up til the time we go up to sleep/play games we were together. She comes to my room to play Bejeweled (Endless mode level 208 as of last night), and I go to hers to sprawl on the bed and talk.

She spent last night in my room because she had a splitting migraine. Her room in the house is directly above the dogs and the main gate and door, all three of which make loud loud noises when agitated (which frequently happens in a house of seven, even in the dead of night). She's phonophobic and photophobic, and my room is dark even under normal fully lighted circumstances.

My dad doesn't mind.

Call me a momma's girl, I don't really care. It's really true.

I love her.

-ionie

ball cartoon

2006-10-20T08:44:00.000-07:00

hahaha we're FAMOUS DUDES!

Youtube, no less!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUxU0fJmdDY

Youtube won't let me direct link. =(

-ionie
Now playing -

writing again

2006-10-12T04:22:00.000-07:00

'The words flow so easily from this pencil I hold. Scratch, scratch, and the graphite dust is laid down in curly, straight, dotted and crossed fronds which seem, somehow, to make sense. We are taught how to make sense of these swirly character, but all it is is something as elemental as carbon (in 6 carbon rings in hexagonal arrangements) and plant fibre.

What is written may be something spurious, meaningful, secretive, informative or any number of other properties you might desire. But in this, you are in control - the writer, and no other. What is neatly printed or majestically carved in cursive through the paper fibres is your creation alone, made of your thoughts and ideas. And yet, the only way to express them is through something which is common property and belongs to everyone and no one - the language you choose.

The writings you pencil in may be things you wish to acknowledge, remember or record, and so end up etched and arranged with an implement as simple as a 2B pencil. You hope it is something you will treasure forever, the writing becoming a snapshot of yourself in this particular instant, at this special time. You hope it is eternal, something permanent...

Yet when you least expect it, your grand thoughts and ideas
succumb to place, time, circumstance,
(perhaps even the slight smudge of an eraser)
and just like the writings
vanish, and simply revert to being

elemental carbon... and fibre.'

You know, just somehow, writing like this? Writing like this will never be able to be transferred into electronic medium without losing some of its impact.

-ionie
Now playing - Rose of May, Nobuo Uematsu (Final Fantasy IX)

cruel words

2006-10-02T02:22:00.000-07:00

So today, while I was in line alone at RM3.50 (a nice chap fan place where 3 dishes = RM 3.50), I got recruited to go to another makan place with some friends from my posting, family medicine. Went there, ordered wa-tan-hor (which subsequently became tapaued because of horrible stomach queasiness) and listened to them talk. They talk mostly in chinese dialects, so there I was slowly trying to follow conversation and pick up things here and there.

Seremban is a small town. A group of people came in who had IMU tags and were identified as being some of our seniors. One of them looked a lot like an acquaintance in M1/04, who sadly failed an exam and had to repeat the semester. She didn't pass the second time, and so she didn't make it through (so I discovered today).

So when she walked in part of the table was amazed and started whispering among themselves. One of them said it couldn't be her, and when she turned to face us we knew it wasn't her. The others were discussing what happened to her.

Her story came out today, about her failing the second time through. I'd like to say that people were sympathetic and sad that she didn't make it, but...

'Hopeless. Just hopeless,' one of the people at the table said empathically.

I'm disappointed to say that I can't.

I can't help but wonder - she's is just like any of us. We're all here to study medicine and we're all trying our best. Do you doubt that she was trying any less than you were? Than any of us there were?

So we're not as good as you, so what? So some of us will pass, some of us will fail. The least you could be is sympathetic towards the person and the idea that some of us will fail.

I wonder, dear friend, if one day, should I fail... should I leave the course for any other reason...

Will you say the same about me?

I'm trying. I really am.

I'm trying.

-ionie
Now playing - God Knows, Hirano Aya

rakuen

2006-09-30T05:43:00.000-07:00

Just a short note to say

That for now, I'm still alive.

That even though the work is getting tougher, I'm still standing.

It's still difficult to go back there, week after week. I wonder when I'll be strong enough on my own.

I'm trying.

I really am.

To everyone who's called/messaged/posted comments/tried to encourage me, thank you.

I don't know what I'm doing.

-ionie
Now playing - Rakuen, Do As Infinity

recovery

2006-09-19T16:04:00.000-07:00

It's 7am in the morning where I am. The mornings and nights are always the most difficult here. When I think about the day I have ahead of me I paralyze with fear. And when I think about the day I have just passed I feel so very alone.

I guess all of us are going through the same thing. It'll take me a while to fix myself. It doesn't seem like any help is forthcoming at the moment.

Last week, my mom came down here to stay with me as part of the help program. She can't make it down this week because she's down with the flu. I can't help but feel a little bit guilty.

I will get through this.

I know I have to.

Just waiting for December...

-ionie

To everyone

2006-09-15T18:23:00.000-07:00

To everyone,

Thanks.

I'm home right now and I don't want to go back there.

But I guess I have to.

Until we finish this course, I'll be happiest on Fridays.

-ionie

tears and rain

2006-09-09T19:46:00.000-07:00

So, clinical school has started for us lucky folks going to Seremban. So far, it's not been fun - the whole of the first week we have been having briefing after briefing talking about what is expected of us in clinical school. It's like entering year one in school and being given all the homework you're expected to hand up at the end of grade school.

I have been very very distressed of late. I really wonder if this is the right course for me. Faced with the stress of doing hospital work, moving away from home, staying away from my family, saying goodbye to my old circle of friends...

I don't want to do this.

I don't want to have to do this.

I am not happy.

I am lonely, sad and confused.

I have been crying every single night since CS has started. I am homesick and lonely.

I'm not ever hungry anymore. I eat when other people around me eat, but in no other scenario. I don't have any mood to play the PS2, even with Dirge of Cerberus staring me in the face. Going online is the only thing that's driving me, going online so that I can email and talk to people I know but aren't here.

I was so happy when Friday came last week and we could go home. I got home at 1pm. I drove as fast as I dared, even though I wasn't alone in the car.

The first thing I did when I got home was run upstairs and go online, since no one was around. The first person I saw was my dad, and when I hugged him he said 'Wow, I didn't think you'd miss us.' The second person I saw was my mom, and when I hugged her I teared up and she said 'Of course, she does...'

Above all, I know that everyone else is facing the same problems and feelings. But you know what? Empathy has taken a sort of backseat for the moment.

I am looking for a way out. And I think I have found it.

I have lost the will to live.

I really don't want to go back there today. I don't want to go back to Seremban, even if it's not for clinical school. I don't want to stay in that house with all my new friends, I don't want to drive down there, I don't want to go back...

And you know what?

You can't make me.

It's something I have to make myself do.

All that excitement about Phase II was a lie. I never felt it, but I pretended I did for the sake of my parents and friends.

You know what? Fuck that. I am going to be true to myself and my feelings.

I know that my parents have poured a lot of effort into sending me to medical school until now. I know that and I feel guilty as hell for what I want to do.

At the start of the course though, my parents told me - as long as I am happy, they will support whatever I want to do. That money is just a tool - a valuable tool that should be respected and valued. But... I'm not happy. I'm not. I'm crying as I type this. Just thinking about going back there brings me to the verge of tears.

I don't know how everyone else can just move on and enjoy clinical school. I just... can't. I've been trying. I'll keep trying. I have to go keep trying. I should keep trying.

For my parents. For my friends. For Man Hee. But I know that ultimately, what everyone wants is for me to be happy. Anyone who doesn't want my happiness...

But there just comes to a point where you don't want to. I feel beaten by a course my colleagues appear to be taking well.

I don't want to go back there.

I'm sorry, Tony.

I'll never be worthy of you.

-ionie
Now playing - Tori no Uta, AIR

season of goodbyes

2006-08-29T10:46:00.000-07:00

Seasons - Ayumi Hamasaki

kotoshi mo hitotsu kisetsu ga megutte
omoide wa mata tooku natta
aimai datta yume to genjitsu no
kyoukaisen wa koku natta

This year, another season has passed.
Memories have become faded.
The border between my vague dream and
reality has become blurred.

soredemo itsu ka kimi ni hanashita
yume ni uso wa hitotsu mo nakatta

Even so, the dream I once told you of
had not a single lie in it.

kyou ga totemo tanoshii to
asu mo kitto tanoshikute
sonna hibi ga tsudzuite'ku
sou omotte ita ano koro

Today was fun,
and tomorrow will surely be fun as well.
"These days will continue forever,"
or so I thought at the time.

kurikaeshite'ku mainichi ni sukoshi
monotarinasa o kanjinagara

Throughout the endless days I felt
as if something was missing.

fushizen na jidai no sei da yo to
sakimawari shite akiramete ita

I blamed it on these unnatural times,
and just gave up.

kyou ga totemo kanashikute
asu moshi mo naite ite mo
sonna hibi ga atta ne to
waraeru hi ga kuru darou

Today was very sad,
and even if I cry tomorrow,
someday the time will come that I can laugh
and remember the time we had together.

ikudo meguri meguri yuku
kagiri aru toki no naka ni
bokura wa ima ikite ite
soshite nani o mitsukeru darou

How much time must pass by,
in this finite existence of ours?
We'll live in the now,
and what will we find?

-ionie
Now playing - Seasons, Ayumi Hamasaki

nakitai dake naite mo ii?

a goodbye

2006-08-21T19:10:00.000-07:00

Today might be the last time I get to see you.

I'm not ready for me... for you... for us... to become a memory yet.

I wasn't ready last night, and that's why we stayed up past witching hour talking and playing pointless (but very prettily designed) games.

I thought it'd be easier to say goodbye when I could face the actual day when you leave, when it's a reality and I am forced to confront it. But I realise that that's not the case.

I'm not ready today either.

I'm sorry.

-Ionie
Now playing - High School Musical OST, Breaking Free

in memory of steven

2006-08-08T06:37:00.000-07:00

I still remember the day we bought you, me and MeiYun. I remember the days we spent after that watching you two scuttling around in that little plastic tank. You used to get stuck under the bridge a lot, then Lizzie would have to nudge you out. Then you would go over to the island with her and spend time knocking into the plastic coconut tree, two green fifty cent coins trudging resolutely on four little legs.

Both of you soon outgrew that little tank and my brother got you both a new home in the garden - in a blue sandbox. You two would eat the kangkung that grew around it all on your own - I planted it for the both of you, you two loved having snacks nearby. The two of you struggled valiantly out of the sandbox and time and time again we had to hunt you two disappeared. We found out that Lizzie would stand steadfast on the highest point on the edge and you'd climb over her and out of the box!

Then one fateful day Lizzie wandered off too far and went missing... we found her underneath dad's golf set, lifeless. You moped for days, but you got back up on your feet and back to climbing out of the sandbox all by yourself. You grew too big for that sandbox too, so when we got a new house to stay in we got you a new home too - a huge flowerpot with smooth sides that you couldn't climb out of.

We placed plants in this pot for a little while, hoping that you wouldn't eat them too fast. They were gone the next day. You were the guardian of the utility room at the back of the house - it opened out into the garden and you used to spend hours just watching whoever was at the back and defending your flowerpot from intruders.

We got a cat who started to share your room too. He followed me home one day, and since there was no other place for his litterbox you graciously let him share that small room we called yours. Snowball comes and goes as he pleases, but he never did try to overstep the boundary of your flowerpot. You defended it very well and set the ground rules the first time he *did* land in there, after all. It's funny- with your own room and everything it was like you were a real member of the family, even if you did have a shell (which you resolutely refused to let me scrub even when there was a layer of algae on it) and four legs. It totally confused everyone when we called your room by it's rightful name - 'Steven's room'.

Then, on Sunday morning, we found you floating in the water. You have gone to join Lizzie, I guess, wherever she is, and I don't even know how or why. I doubt that it was your old age - you're a turtle, after all, and the longevity is meant to be a racial (or species) bonus. It's been a long time since you've seen her, hasn't it? I'm sorry I couldn't perform this last service for you, I'm sorry I couldn't be the one to bury you next to JD around the corner. Just like Lizzie, you'll always have a room in my heart. I'll even call it Steven's room, if you like.

Just to let you know, Ian's already re-christened the road next to where you and JD keep watch. It's JDSteven's corner now. You were our backdoor guardian against rats, cats and unsuspecting intruders. I hope that wherever you are, you have your own little garden of kangkong, and that Lizzie's there with you.

Thank your for the protection you gave us. I miss you.

-ionie
Now playing - Blue Dream, KEY

destiny

2006-07-17T07:30:00.000-07:00

I don't know whether to believe in destiny, fate... call it what you will. It's too subjective, too open to clauses, too differential, too philosophical to me.

Me like simple shiny stuff. Which is why I'd like to introduce something I *think* I believe in.

Serendipity.

According to wikipedia, Serendipity came from a story called 'The three princes of Serendip'. It's a name used to refer to the three main characters of a series of stories told for countless generations - generations enough for 'Serendip' to actually become 'Sri Lanka'.

Serendipity is, put very very simply, 'The discovery of what is not sought.'

Taking the three princes in their most famous story (about a camel) as an example, they found a mountain of riches as a result of their pursuit of a camel that none of them had seen.

I like Serendipity. Maybe it's because it conveniently explains why so many things happen without having to attribute it to some other divine law. It's like Murphy's law - You don't know that it exists for certain, but it just seems to in hindsight.

For me, my serendipitous encounter would be this - entering medical school and finding... and being accepted into... a group of friends I hope never to forget.

This is why I believe in Serendipity. Because it just seems so true.

-ionie
Now playing - Never is a Promise, Angela Aki

incipient doom

2006-07-12T06:02:00.000-07:00

Staying at the dinner table can be harmful for your health.

My family doesn't eat together. If we tried to do that, we'd all starve slowly and painfully to death. People come home from work, uni, school, wherever... and they sit down and eat. If they want, they can stick around after they eat for some socialising. Which is really what eating dinner together as a family is all about, right?

I have almost undeniable proof that staying behind after eating can be hazardous to your mental health, though. For today, this jewel of wisdom came from my brother's mouth.

Jiannin : *peeling rambutan to eat*
Ian : Hey! *picks up a rambutan and looks at it thoughtfully"
Jiannin : What... *starts chewing on the rambutan*
Ian : ... if you shave a rambutan.... what do you get? *takes a small knife and starts cutting the little appendages away*

-a minute later-

Ian : Look! A bald Rambutan! 'AN!'
Jiannin and everyone else : har??
Ian : no RAMBUT ma...

Evie apparently rubbed off more on my family than I thought.

-ionie
Now playing - Femme, Kajiura Yuki

vgcats

2006-07-04T06:42:00.000-07:00

http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=201

XD

-ionie

puzzle bobble

2006-06-27T05:02:00.000-07:00

I grew up entertained by various electronic items - calculators, my brothers' old atari machine, SNES, those little electronic dictionaries which had spelling games and the like, and of course, a rudimentary PC which had a hard drive of 5 megabytes.

All through these years, I have stuck with a franchise which has facilitated much procrastination on my homework (which ultimately did get done).

This game was none other than the game so iconized by the little green and blue dinosaurs we know and love, bubble and bobble. Yes, I am talking about Puzzle Bobble.

I played PB I on my brother's computer. Being the great hoarder he is I'm sure it's still around somewhere. I got PBII for Christmas in year 9. PBIII was first played at Amanda's house in its original Japanese form. PBIV was the last one I found for the PSone. And then I got the PS2 version - the newest installment named Bust-a-move! (as it's called in English) - which had cutscenes in 3D in its story mode.

And then I went retro and got Taito Legends 2. Which had to have its cult classic, PBII in it. So I put it in and immediately, Ryna told me:

'PLAY THAT ONE KUCHAI!'

So being a nice auntie, I did. Being the perfect niece she is, she took the controller from me and started playing.

What followed was fifteen minutes of pure torture.

'shoot that red one!'
'no no, left some more...'
'no!!!! miss again ar?!'

Here's a tip... don't watch a nine year old play a game you so dearly love - a game you loved so much you copied the drawings of the characters from it, a game you spent hours playing growing up, a game you played so much you could trash just about anybody who tried to play against you - including the people who actually owned the game, machine and TV/screen you were playing on and the people you live with.

It hurts.

Now if you don't mind, I'm going to play some more. Personally, I think the green dinosaur's cuter than the blue one.

-ionie
Now playing - FFVII Piano Collections

and it ends...

2006-06-18T16:32:00.000-07:00

So begins this final week of official systems...
The last week we'll spend studying together.

Some sense of loss in order...

-ionie

questions

2006-06-12T10:21:00.000-07:00

Is the right to happiness a human right?

Even if I am going to Seremban, I am filled with the same dread the PMS people feel... Which uni will I get? Will I have friends there? Will things be okay? I hope I don't get that uni that I listed 12 now... I should have put another uni there, I just know it...

Which uni will he get? Will he have friends there? Will things be okay? Wish that he could get what he wants - wish on a star, a prayer... hey, wish on all the lucky charms I can think of... but... the fulfilment of the wish demands that he'll go away...

Like in XXXHolic... the price of a wish will be what you value most.

but then... will he ... will he remember me?

-ionie
Now playing - ULTRA BLUE, Utada Hikaru

KH2

2006-06-06T08:25:00.000-07:00

'Thinking of you wherever you are
We pray for our sorrows to end
and hope that our hearts will blend
Now I will step forward to realise this wish

And who knows
starting a new journey
may not be so hard
or maybe it has already begun

There are many worlds
but they share the same sky

One sky, One destiny'

XD

-ionie
Now playing - Coldplay, Fix You

bash.org

2006-06-03T20:48:00.000-07:00

AHAHHAHAA!

So, at the LAN-party, there was a new guy.
And when he went for a drink, we snuck up to his pc, and created a folder called Horse-Porn on the desktop.
Then we took a screenshot, put it as his wallpaper, and deleted the folder.
He tried to get rid of that folder for 3 hours! ^^

mcilhemnny: see, this is why I like bittorrents
mcilhemnny: Family guy, Seasons... 1-4 + the movie
mcilhemnny: Now thats fucking organisation
mcilhemnny: I don't have to do any work
mcilhemnny: I just sit on my fucking ass and wait...
mcilhemnny: for
mcilhemnny: 196.5 days...
mcilhemnny: awww... the simple life

wow
i just opened microsoft word
apperently, i only had the trial version
and it expired yesterday
so i read the message it gave me
"some features may become unavailable"
then i discovered what some of those features were:
1.
TYPING
2.
DOCUMENT VIEWING

sitexec: okay, question
sitexec: if you have a whole loaf of bread, and 3 peices have mold, are the rest okay?
kitchen: sitexec, not bread
kitchen: cheese yes, bread no
sitexec: they wernt touching each other
kitchen: doesnt matter
sitexec: hmm, second question
sitexec: what if ive eaten it already?

-ionie
Now playing - James Blunt, Goodbye my Lover

memories

2006-05-30T17:55:00.000-07:00

As so many people are reminding each other lately (more than necessary, I might add) there are seven weeks to EOS 5. The exams loom before us, ever more dreadful than possibly ever, imagined or grounded in reality... and I'm not that bothered.

Okay, so I lied. But there are always bigger fish to fry. This countdown to EOS5 is much more than just another countdown to another exam for me. It's not just the problem case paper, OSCE and OSPE...

It's the countdown to the end of...

I want to spend these seven weeks creating memories, dammit. Not studying... But there are memories to be found in studying too, I guess.

'Don't ever forget. I'm always with you.'

How difficult is it to just say that?

-ionie
Now playing - Utada Hikaru, This is Love

tsubasa

2006-05-22T10:57:00.000-07:00

Curse you, Funimation, for licensing Tsubasa Chronicle 2nd season.

:: bursts into tears ::

ipod mini

2006-05-18T04:54:00.000-07:00

a heartfelt request from a human being

Does anybody out there have an ipod mini? I need a copy of the cd-rom - my cd broke. Physically.

Please!

-ionie

psychosocial issues

2006-05-06T06:26:00.000-07:00

There is no psychosocial disorder
that exists in this world
that cannot be cured
(or at least alleviated)
with a single
sincere
hug.

-ionie
Now playing - It's your love, She Moves

Edit - Playing - I'm Free, Yuna Ito

latest developments

2006-05-03T18:50:00.000-07:00

If Roxas is to Sora what Namine is to Kairi, then where is the X in Namine?

Life's greatest questions.

Well, at least until I finish KHII. XD

-ionie
Now playing - Matchbox Twenty, Bent (curse you leyon!)

Have you seen this putra?

2006-04-14T05:16:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, a dark blue putra with stickers all over it was stolen from my house. When I say stickers all over it, I mean stickers which say 'YSKHONG MOTORSPORTS' along the doors (obliquely) and white stickers advertising Q8 oils.

Have you seen this car? WFL 7748. It has a double-tubed exhaust - one of them is bent a little downwards. If you look into the car there are holes underneath the floormats where the rollcage was fitted before - twenty four of them. The back bumper is a little crooked - a battle scar from another encounter with another car. There's also a white scratch running along the boot.

Of all cars to steal, why THIS one?! It's got holes in it, for crying out loud!

The only thing possibly worse than a death of someone close to you ... is having to put on a smile and be happy anyway because there's a party tomorrow you have to host.

-ionie
Now playing - Simon Webbe, No Worries.

photos

2006-04-09T21:23:00.000-07:00

There are two photos stuck on the wall nearest to my bed. The objective for doing so was so that I wouldn't ever forget.

One of the photos is a black and white printout of a lot of us at Perhentian after our O levels. It even includes the teachers who went along as chaperones. Does anyone have a copy of this in colour? I want to get it printed again. Yes Leon, this is a photo from the trip that you didn't want to go on because you were too busy playing Final Fantasy IX again. Hehe...

The other picture is from my Year 10 birthday, I think. Either Year 10 or 11... Was the year that Metal Gear Solid 3 came out, I think. If I recall correctly this was the day after MoonWeng stayed the night to play the damn game. A whole lot of us are in that photo... but To date, I think I really keep in touch with only three of them.

That's a pretty bad ratio.

I don't really look at them anymore... but now and then... I do.

-ionie
Now playing - Utada Hikaru, Wings

ball cartoon

2006-04-03T04:12:00.000-07:00

We really hate to fall asleep
We try to concentrate
But coffee really doesn't work
When classes start at eight

... or 4pm in the afternoon.

-ionie
Now playing - IMU BALL CARTOON! wahahahha.

issues

2006-03-28T05:39:00.000-08:00

I don't usually blog about things that are happenning in the so called 'real world'. 'Real world' issues, like poverty, sickness and hunger, 'real world' issues like lousy education systems and horrible behaviour by graduates in the Malaysian career market. But there are some things that cannot be left unsaid.

There has been a case publicised lately of a seven year old boy who can solve A level mathematics problems. He has been given a show-cause letter by his school to explain why he hasn't been attending classes, and that if he continues to do so it could be cause for expulsion (as is clearly stated in the national education policy). His parents give the reason that he is bored in school as he has gone through it before.

This could be precisely what is wrong with the education system. There is no current facility or route for kids who are overachieving. The argument against him is that he has to mix with children his own age and obtain a formal education anyway to end up as a wellrounded student.

That, to me, is absolute bullshit. I may be wrong on this, but I believe I was partially failed by the education system in this country. I was somewhat like this kid. I could read newspapers and understand what was going on at his age too. I couldn't do math problems meant for A level students, but I could write at a lower secondary level when I was a six. I was assessed to be gifted by a foreign academy, which also ran a program for others like me. I was in a class with twelve year olds, eight year olds, six year olds - the only thing we had in common was the way we thought and processed. No issue was made of our age or physical size - the only thing that was assessed and maintained was our mental capabilities and creativity. Days were packed.

Like this boy, I was bored in kindergardens too. I ended up sleeping through all the classes which were conducted in English. The only class I stayed up long enough for was BM, as I was not taught how to speak it at home. The teachers were astounded when I aced all the exams they had at the end of the term. I say term (singular) because I was only there for one. After that I went straight to Year One in an international school, where they accelerated me two years and gave me additional English work. Something similar could potentially be a solution for this boy's predicament. He gets a rounded education at a level he can comprehend for other subjects, but in the one subject he really, REALLY excels in, a school CAN intervene.

And you know what? After all this, I am not the only one. How many other Malaysians have ended up doing strange things like this? Not pressured by parents, but just ... having an aptitude. An aptitude which ended up suppressed, even oppressed... by such a system which failed to let us live to our own inherent potential.

The main point is that if nothing is done, he will end up stagnated. Like me, I guess. There is a theory that children have an infinite ability to learn anything, but that ability inevitably decreases as the child grows. If that ability is not nurtured and maximized, then the child 'suffers'. 'Suffers' is enclosed in tiny quotation marks because that 'sufferring' is not apparent - it is a suffering in terms of the potential of the child.

Some solutions proposed have included sending the kid to an international school or private school. What happens to people who cannot afford to go to such a school? In the end, even these aren't absolute solutions. He still WILL stagnate unless something more definitive is done about his future.

Where this education system fails is in helping children achieve their potential. Without exception, every single kid regardless of ability or skill, is somewhat forced into this system at the age of seven. What about assessing them and letting them find their own level? That is what is done in international schools and some private schools - this could potentially be what sets them apart and helps their students in the end.

What is even more infuriating is the lack of support extended to Malaysian citizens in international schools. It could possibly be the only place where students who are assessed to be gifted (by dubious or definitive means) can possibly achieve and prosper, but when they come out they are abandoned by the education system. With no support from the government, how can the government expect to keep these minds from getting out of the country?

Just my two cents. If you want four, let me know.

No flaming please. Just opinions.

On another note, today is March 28th. Just one day out of 365.
But this one day, Kingdom Hearts 2 is coming out.

One sky, one destiny
-ionie
Now playing - In Need of Therapy, Tree Speak

papa patho

2006-03-18T02:16:00.000-08:00

Papa patho is giving me intermittent claudication.

Stupid thick hardcover heavy pathology book.

28th March is the release date of Kingdom Hearts 2. I can't wait!

-ionie
Now playing - Utada Hikaru, With or Without you

watched

2006-03-15T06:17:00.000-08:00

I was right about being watched in lectures. I guess that there are lines to just 'being watched' though. It's just creepy. Disturbing. A semi-invasion of privacy.

You might argue that it's not like we're hiding - that's just it. I'm not. But there are limits. Like photos, dammit.

I guess I just expected better of people. Let one have the freedom to spend time with someone one loves. It's not like one gets much time to spend with that someone outside uni.

And there's not much of that time left, either.

On a more positive, happy, not-so-much-crying note, House finished downloading today. Yay!

-ionie
Now playing - Kiss me Goodbye, Angela Aki

ipod and house

2006-03-12T02:03:00.000-08:00

So...

Is it just me or is House getting Apple Advertising endorsements in Season 2?

Let's see.

Episode II - House has a shiny white ipod. Looks like a good old traditional one.
Episode III - Cuddy is seen sporting a shiny white ipod shuffle. Wonder what she's listening to. Probably not heart sounds

Will keep looking and counting. XD

-ionie
Now playing - House, Episode III

Valkyrie Profile

2006-03-12T01:52:00.000-08:00

So...

One of my old layouts on good ol' xanga featured a girl walking with her arms outstretched on the beach. Her name is(was) Yumei, and it's from her that I get my MSN nick from.

She's from a game I really, really love called Valkyrie Profile. In the last few years I've caught whiffs on bits of news that a sequel was coming out. As can be expected, I was as happy as a final fatnasy 7 fan discovering that Aeris DOES show up in AC.

... Tough luck, ionie. Only on PSP, Valkyrie Profile:Lenneth.
http://www.rpgamer.com/games/valkyrie/valkyrielen/screens/valkyrielen073.jpg
http://www.rpgamer.com/games/valkyrie/valkyrielen/screens/valkyrielen076.jpg

=( very very sad.

-ionie
Now playing - Ishida Youko, Aka no Seijaku [Shakugan no Shana ED 2]

101 dalmatians

2006-03-09T08:47:00.000-08:00

The things you learn while watching the Disney Channel (because even though the number of children television viewers under age 12 is less than the number of adult television viewers in this house, they possess more power over the remote control if only because only THEY know where they hid it) Strange but true - Hugh Laurie, our own beloved House MD, acted in the show 101 Dalamatians as a bad guy.

Ever thought that he'd make a better villain than a doctor bent on saving the world with heroic medicine?

www.filmscouts.com/zgifclip/101-dal/101D05.JPEG

-ionie
Now playing - Ayumi Hamasaki, Startin'

House MD season 2

2006-03-06T20:45:00.000-08:00

I have never suffered so much for a torrent. 171 seeds and 955 peers, of which I am connected to 6 seeds and 43 peers. Current download speed of 7.4 kb/s and upload speed of 6.6 kb/s and been up for three days. ETA from 3 days to a week, total size 4.10 GB. Using utorrent.

Is the waiting really that worth it? The pain, the agony of watching the speed drop down to 2.5 kb/s and the endless hourse spent trying to tweak utorrent to get the best speed ever with a wireless... Is this really worth it?

Oh, the things I suffer for you, House MD Season 2. This had better be worth it.

-ionie
Now playing - Utada Hikaru, Wings

gunbound

2006-02-28T10:15:00.000-08:00

If it's one thing I've learnt from playing Gunbound, it's that I hate to lose.

Sure, losing now and again's alright. But losing eight consecutive 1v1 matches is kinda demoralising.

Okay, so not 'kinda'. It's REALLY demoralising. But what can be done? I guess I asked for it.

There are only so many things that one can do to close the distance.

-ionie
Now playing - Utada Hikaru, Sanctuary. Okay, so I'm lying. But I really wish I was listening to that tho. Hehe.

Boyfriend Training Kit

2006-02-25T21:44:00.000-08:00

So, yesterday I went to the Times Bookstore Clearance Sale in Atria.

I found a lot of books.

And some other interesting things.

For those who can't make out the fuzzy writing -
'We, the author and the publisher, hold no responsibility if, after training and testing is successfully completed, your boyfriend turns out to be a complete loser.'

:: giggles ::
NOW what am I gonna do with it? :/

-ionie
Now playing - Utada Hikaru, Final Distance

frustrated

2006-02-21T16:21:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I am supposed to be helping with the ball cartoon.

Problem is, my transport is so limited that I just can't spend that much time in uni.

Growl.

-ionie
Now playing - Yoshikazu Suo, Gen no Koshiki wa Kataru

msn

2006-02-14T08:06:00.000-08:00

||RaGiNg TeMpEsT|| --> The person you know as me has been kidnapped and replaced by a relentless workaholic japanese says:
you go online more often than usual lately
-yumei-|soba ni ite hoshii yo says:
just this week
-yumei-|soba ni ite hoshii yo says:
im kinda taking it off
-yumei-|soba ni ite hoshii yo says:
=P
||RaGiNg TeMpEsT|| --> The person you know as me has been kidnapped and replaced by a relentless workaholic japanese says:
bah
||RaGiNg TeMpEsT|| --> The person you know as me has been kidnapped and replaced by a relentless workaholic japanese says:
relive the old days
||RaGiNg TeMpEsT|| --> The person you know as me has been kidnapped and replaced by a relentless workaholic japanese says:
go online everyday
-yumei-|soba ni ite hoshii yo says:
yup
-yumei-|soba ni ite hoshii yo says:
and talk nonsense with other people!~
||RaGiNg TeMpEsT|| --> The person you know as me has been kidnapped and replaced by a relentless workaholic japanese says:
true bliss
-yumei-|soba ni ite hoshii yo says:
indeed :/

:: sighs sadly ::

Happy Valentine's everyone.

-ionie
Now playing - Kotoko, Re-sublimity

genshiken

2006-02-12T08:16:00.000-08:00

I'm watching an anime right now called Genshiken.

It's an anime about anime fanatics.

How ironic is that?

-ionie
Now playing - Genshiken, Biidama

imu ball

2006-02-09T07:11:00.000-08:00

Finding people to fill a ten seater table for a ball is difficult work.

I'm just not cut out to be a diplomat =P

-ionie
Now playing - Utada Hikaru, Keep Tryin'

saying goodbye

2006-02-07T17:02:00.000-08:00

I talked with my mom yesterday. About friends going away, about friends changing.

She mentioned something.

'I hardly keep in touch with my old school friends now. After Form five we all just split up - no Internet-mah. It just happened. It will happen to you too, even with the Internet around.'

'You're growing away from your friends.'

-ionie

Now playing - Sarah McLachlan, Angel

Friendship bracelets

2006-01-26T19:16:00.000-08:00

There was once a girl who was feeling very sad.

See, she was feeling so very sad because the realisation that another friend was leaving, for an unspecified amount of time, to yet another country she had never expected anyone to move to.

This meant that she wouldn't be seeing that said friend for a long while. A long unspecified while.

So she racked her brains for a way to tell the friend that she'd remember. She'd known the friend for a long while. A more specified while. And though the friend was going elsewhere they'd still be friends. She still wanted to have some sort of reminder...

She got it.

The last time someone she'd treasured had gone so far, far away (even farther than this friend was going), the friend had given her a bracelet. It was threaded with three beads. Though the thread had broken a long time ago, she kept the beads safely on her dresser.

The friend had worn another bracelet, absolutely identical to the one she wore.

So the girl scurried around her room, looking for thread and a scissors. Maybe there was still enough time.

-ionie
Now playing - Matchbox Twenty, The Burn

YAAFM

2006-01-23T07:10:00.000-08:00

...

You are a fricking moron, ionie. Someone puts RM50 into your wallet and you

1. don't notice it's there
2. didn't figure out who did it
3. don't realise that you probably owe someone you know now BIG for that
4. have no idea what to do in return
5. are ignoring the person who did put it there

Like, frick, dudette.

-ionie

Hana

2006-01-23T04:02:00.000-08:00

Meet Hana. She's selling flowers at 10z each. Whole basket for a PS3.

:: points to sketch of girl on right side of page ::

I discovered that there are scanners in IMU!

Is scanning original work against the law?

Oh dear.

-ionie

RO

2006-01-23T04:00:00.000-08:00

Every now and then I feel like going back to MUDding and ROing.

Those now and thens usually coincide with exams or with great waves of nostalgia. But all that energy is directed somewhere else.

This time, though, they got diverted into something called RAGNAROK BATTLE OFFLINE.

(rboffline.tk)

It's down right now. But it's fricking cute.

-ionie
Now playing - Utada Hikaru, Simple and Clean

All you wanted

2006-01-21T05:50:00.000-08:00

'
I wanted to be like you
I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you
And I got swept away...

I didn't know that it was so cold and
You needed someone to show you the way
So I took your hand and
We figured out that
When the time comes
I'll take you away...

If you want to, I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside, so busy out there
And all you wanted was somebody who cares...

I'm sinking slowly so hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on...
Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you're going when you're gone...

All you wanted was somebody who cares
If you need me you know I'll be there

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted was somebody who cares...

If you want to...
I can save you...
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there...
And all you wanted was somebody who cares.

Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone...
'

-ionie
Now playing - Michelle Branch, All you Wanted